seven minutes in heaven.

So there's this interview thing that's going around the blog-o-sphere where you volunteer for a fellow blogger to interview you. then they have to take the time to come up with some questions; the whole thing is very inconveniencing. fortunately, my friend Mr. Booth was good enough to write up seven questions that would have stone phillips shitting humility for a week. here they are.

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1. You win the lottery. Like crazy powerball 327 million lottery. What is the third thing you do with that money?

a) pay henry rollins to punch me in the face.

2. If you had to pick a famous person as the yard stick for your own morality, are you more Roman Polanski, Rick James, or James Bakker?

a) definitely roman polanski. but not in real life - just that scene from Chinatown where he slices jack nicholson's nose with a switchblade. i've always wished i were that kind of lunatic bad ass on some level.

3. Why try?

a) because there wasn't anything good on tv.

4. Do you remember where you were when you heard "George Bush doesn't care about black people."?

a) in a church's chicken. i think that's a loaded statement, though, because george bush doesn't care about anybody.

5. Two parts, What would be the perfect threesome and what would you cook for breakfast afterwards?

a) if we're going with the traditional celebrity fantasy thing - natalie portman and anne hathaway. i would cook blueberry waffles, potatoes o'brien, and vegetarian sausage patties.

6. Have you ever set anything on fire that was not supposed to be?

a) i should really make some sort of joke about burning books, since i have some german in me, but i think i'm going to take a different road on this one. i actually really like setting things on fire, and always have. one of the more memorable times i dabbled in pyromania, i practically soaked a rail (like the ones you grind on with a skateboard) in lighter fluid and then convinced one of my friends to light it with a match. he didn't have eyebrows that summer and i called him whoopi goldberg. i am not a good person. i did get a radical 5-0 grind on the flaming rail though.

7. Why the Jedi braid?*

a) i originally started growing it half as a joke, and half as a reminder to keep my emotions (like fear, anger, jealousy, etc.) in check, like the Jedi philosophy says. but i've been a star wars nerd since birth, so that's probably the real reason. that, and the whole chicks loving it thing.

*i have a little braid like the ones that the Jedi apprentices (called Padawans) grow while their in training. it's behind my right ear and goes down to my shoulder. it's dumb.

why do fools fall in lava?

It does get loneliest at night down by the liquor store. sometimes i wish i smoked, just so i would have something to do with my hands. i could sit, and not say a word, and nobody would accuse me of ruining their party. i would just be that guy who's really deep in thought. instead i have this theory that if i fill my mouth with drink, i won't say anything wrong, i won't say anything stupid, and i definitely won't have to tell anyone what i'm really thinking about.

i thought about you again today. i thought about how attractive (in the most basic sense of the word) you were from a reasonable distance. your eyes seemed so approachable. i remembered how i had imagined the feel of your skin against mine. and then the words fell out of our mouths and onto the bar, where we thoughtfully arranged them into strategic lines that would have made the most experienced generals olive drab with envy. but your lips weren't so soft, and i didn't fit in your arms so well, and your eyes were singing a song i've never heard before. i tried to fake it/mumble some words that sounded close, but everyday became a battle to take the next hill.

honesty is a lonely word.

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i'm going to be on the road for a few days, so i hope everyone has a great week or so (enjoy Superbad on friday!). hopefully by the time i get back i will have an interview from Booth! to post.


*the title for this post came from this episode of Itchy and Scratchy that was on tv when i was writing. i am the cat.